1. Butterfly

And just like everything in this life, nothing lasts forever. In spite of the dreariness, the longevity of feeling as though you can never escape a particular moment, everything, sooner or later, passes, moves on, and departs. Every moment, no matter how prolonged, or how swift, is not for keeps. Even a memory is deceptive in time.

And now that the time where I felt I was crushed, where I felt we were stifled is over - I can look back with those age old wise eyes and wonder in fact whether that time was where I, where we, were at our free-est. Maybe so. Maybe this life is one collection of being in situations you are trying to hold on too, or trying to forget.

I can tell you the ending of this story before you have even read the first paragraph. We survived. In our own ways, we all have our own childhood scars to bare, to hide, to exhibit. Some of us still parade them like trophies we can never forget, some of us have buried ours along with our childhood dreams. Some of us just couldn't move on. But we did all survive, and have formed some type of life. And I marvel at how different we all are.

I for one am happy with my lot. It is not what I thought it would be, it is not as successful as I imagined. But i am proud every day of my life for those who i love around me, for those friends I have created, for the personality I have adorned.

notes

cutting - andrea h, watching before gym
me one weekend


http://www.boardingschoolsforgirls.com/study-summary-benefits.html

note

1. camouflage

1. peacock - showing off
2. painted lady - wearing make up
3. wall brown - sickbay
4. green hairstreak - dyeing hair
brimstone 0=
clouded yellow - urinating on beds
heath fritillary  walking out on heath, all together

etc take names and make a chapter

note

the start of the adventure. the beginning of a new life. finally expanding your lungs to breath in the new fresh air of 'somewhere new' being 'someone new'. i can laugh without a restraint in my neck, smile without a crease in my lip, and i can move without a shadow tip=toeing at my side. i am free.

some of us cmaouflage ourselves, in order to hide within the environment in which we are encased, undiscovered from our prey, always hunting us. some of us are so outlandishly loud in our vibrancy we choke on our pretentiousness, but at least people stop and stare and remark at our colourful nature. some of us are beautiful, some of us nervous. but one thing we all have, is like a moth to a flame, a butterfly to a bud, is our beginning. the hold over us from where we came from, the home that held us and brought us up.

i gulped in air; fresh, and free. my lungs expanded as though i was breathing for the first time. i smiled. my heart swelled. i was no longer trapped, i was no longer held. i was finally able to spread these wings and discover where they would or could take me.